Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
