I got chris browned last night
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
