can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize