Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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