I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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