I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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