I wanna bring you to show and tell
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
