I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
