Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
