Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I love you.
Bad choice
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
