my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
