What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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