I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
