I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
