I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
