Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am midnight drunk by noon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
