i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
