I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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