Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
