if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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