never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
