hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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