I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
