just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
