Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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