thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
