i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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