so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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