you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
