I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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