Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
