I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was confusing and full of hummus
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize