butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
