In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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