Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
