Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
