Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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