that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
50% drunk capacity currently
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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