once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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