I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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