Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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