I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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