Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
false alarm, still single
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
