i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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