Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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