this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
