woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
