you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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