just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize