Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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