It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He better not be in your backpack
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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