So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
