I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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