90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm at about main and main street
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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