Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
