I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
