sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
