Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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