I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
