Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
