I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
