I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
