can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
