She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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