i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
