I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this just has baby written all over it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
