it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
