some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We need a shit load of segways right now
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize