Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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