I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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