Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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