My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
