I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
